Tattoos – Today`s Taboo Topic

Today`s taboo topic is the tattoo.

There are two main reasons I don`t have any. I view the largest organ of the body as a blank canvas, thus my first major hurdle is the limited color palate from which to choose. Being a “winter” in color, to use 80`s terminology in describing my skin tone, certain hues work better than others in preventing me from turning green when fully clothed, or not, in the case of being outfitted in tats. Until pimento, 4 variations of purple and all colors reflected off the ocean can be inked, I`ll pass.

The other is a long ingrained fear of commitment. Just like a home, I like a change of scenery every two years prompting Spouse to pronounce we should buy tents instead of houses. Other than the Clampitt clan- two of whom will leave in a few years anyway, and Spouse who I couldn`t part with because he really is funny, I can`t think of anything I`ve partnered with for longer than two years. Visions of me pouring acid on the tattoo site, scratching it off, or carving it out with a fish knife in a crazed fit of fear of commitment prevent me from entering the tattoo artist`s studio.

But now I have a third reason.

Unlike most countries in the world, Japanese still view tattooed folk with suspicion and distrust. Because of this, tattoos must be covered before the individual is allowed entry in to some places and might be barred from others.

Why? Tattoos have been used in Japan for several centuries to identify criminals. Prisoners were tattooed with inscriptions such as,

“I am an escaped prisoner, if found return me to xxxx prison”

This approach worked.

Similar to when I took Offspring #1 to Sesame Place and I wrote on his belly with a black sharpie,

“I am lost, please call my mother at xxxxxxxx.”Although not permanent, it was long-lasting. I got lots of well-meaning phone calls for the next two weeks when we went to the pool. (Not long after I discovered fingernail polish takes off everything.)

On and on through the centuries this practice continued of tattooing criminals which created a long-established “tattoo equals criminal” mentality. Eventually, gang members and other factions began to get similar tattoos for identifying each other.  Tattoos became associated with the Japanese mafia- the Yakusa- during the last century.

Some poor children born in to crime families are tattooed at birth. I was able to take pictures of some recently tattooed toddlers nicknamed “CupiKuza.”

Yakuza style tattoos- according to local anonymous experts

Most toddlers are learning “mama and dadda.” These guys are learning the appropriate response to “Stop! Police! Get your hands in the air! Now!”

Bless their hearts.

Even covering the tattoo might not protect an individual from the stereotype. Recently an article appeared in the Japan Times which stirred the tattoo ink.

http://www.japantimes.co.jp/text/nn20120525a4.html

In the 1970`s many of the tattooed sanitation workers were associated with the Yakuza (Japanese mafia) and/or Tony Soprano. Healthy debate has ensued regarding civil liberties etc.

The event that instigated this whole affair however, was a teacher threatening his students with exposure to his tattoo/tattoos. Parents complained. This of course leads to the obvious questions- where are the tattoos and what is the subject material? The stuff of nightmares alright.

 

The presence of two full length pinky fingers, my inability to communicate a complete sentence in Japanese, and hair that grows against gravity would lead most Japanese to conclude that I was not a member of the Yakuza even if I were covered in tattoos, however, I would still be asked to cover them. Tattooed customers could scare away other potential patrons. And that`s the reason you should bring lots of band aids, long-sleeved t-shirts, and ace bandages on your next trip to Japan for covering any sized tat- just in case.

Solar Eclipse - The Perfect Ring of Fire

Reblogged from Tokyobling's Blog:

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A perfect solar eclipse does’t come along too many times in the life span of a typical human. You’re lucky to see it once or twice in your life perhaps. Yesterday morning the entire southern Japan had such a chance, but in most cases clouds and even the smoke plume of an active volcano made it hard to see anything. I got up early to find the sky in dense cover of clouds but as the magic moment came closer the clouds gradually disappeared, only to reappear a few minutes before the eclipse, to cover the sun.

Read more… 138 more words

Space is the last frontier because it`s so boring. Luckily for the Clampitts, one of our favorite Tokyo Bloggers, TokyoBling, Documented the Solar Eclipse so I didn`t have to. Not only did he capture the sun, he also got some great shots of the people either watching or ignoring the happening. Enjoy. [caption id="attachment_5805" align="aligncenter" width="614"] Offspring #2 safely watches the eclipse. Yawn.[/caption]

Andretti-san Plus New Phone Equals Danger in Tokyo

Andretti-san- fastest driver in the East, cultural guide, and Japanese sensei- is also a self-professed otaku- someone obsessed with electronics and gaming to the exclusion of all other interests and activities. He and I have debated the validity of his membership in the ranks of otaku based on his possession and daily usage of an introductory model of the flip phone. Any bona fide member of the otaku gang would have upgraded to a stylus version with gaming capabilities ten years ago. Our conversation usually spirals downward in to a wasted explanation of graphics and speed always ending in cheap.

Twenty five to thirty years after Andretti-san`s phone was released to the market, he saved enough Docomo points to get a smart phone. Free.

On Day 1 of the new phone, he held it aloft in the morning sunlight filtering through the windshield. Angels heralded its maiden ride about town with rapturous praise and joyful sounds.

Ouisar-san   “Oh good- now we can text each other instead of sending emails!”

Andretti-san   “What`s that?”

O-   “You know- sort of like instant messaging on the computer- a way of sending a message quickly. I`ll send you one- give me your new phone number.”

=====Hi it`s me test test test======

Chimes went off  where the new phone was hidden. He reached for the glove box and the car swerved in that direction.

A-  “What does this mean?”

O- ” A test- like when NASA calls the space shuttle,` Columbia, this is Houston- do you read?` This is a TEST to see how it looks when it comes through. Ok- you send me one.”

He switched to indirectly driving the car-which means only his knees have any sense of the road as they steer the car. His eyes, brain and hands were otherwise engaged in creating a text message. A man threw a garbage can in our path and jumped out-of-the-way as we careened down the back street. Andretti-san doesn`t worry about collateral damage or obstacles coming in contact with the car unless it leaves a mark.

A-    “Why do this? Email is fast. “

O-   ” This way you don`t have to scroll through contacts, address it, blah blah blah. Just type a couple of words and send. Fewer key strokes.”

A-   “Just call- easier.”

Employing a cell phone in public is considered the height of rudeness as it disturbs those around you. Although Andretti-san has no qualms about doing whatever is necessary to benefit a member of the Clampitts, I would still prefer to put my best foot forward. Certainly in times of emergency it can`t be avoided however, most Japanese wouldn`t consider my potential phone calls as legitimate emergencies:

“Help- the lady is not speaking the same Japanese I speak!”

“How do you say ` A pink Size 32 A bra` in Japanese?”

“The bank manager says the bank can only do business with Spouse, can you come in and pretend to be him so I can get this done today?”

The second day he discovered YouTube on the phone. He pulled up, “Staying Alive” from the BeeGees. We bull dozed through a school crossing as we competed with each other for best John Travolta impersonation. The sound of bikes hitting the pavement and teachers yelling never broke through our disco inferno.

Next came a medley of 70`s hits including Donna Summer`s “Hot Stuff.” How did a generation of polyester wearing dancers avoid laughing when Donna announced her immediate need for some hot stuff? An immaculately clean black car with tinted windows slid in to the parking deck of the only International grocery store in Tokyo. Everyone stopped, turned and hoped to see if the current celebrity about town- Johnny Depp-  would emerge from the car as it blared “I Want Some Hot Stuff” and screeched in to a front row parking place.

But I got out.

As I walked the dairy aisle, I saw several store employees checking the refrigeration unit trying to identify the cause of the vibrating eggs.

Within a few days, Andretti-san had downloaded all the songs from his youth minus a few of which he could not recall the artist or the words.

A-   “Ouisar-san- do you remember this song? `da da da da da da da` ? It was song by a female R & B singer in the 70`s.”

Unable to narrow it down based on the information presented, I downloaded “Sound Hound” and instructed him to hum a few bars.

“No Close Matches“

After several tries, we realized that Sound Hound responds better to melodious humming versus the “dadada” type. It highlighted several current artists from the Middle East of whom we were previously unaware. After a full day of listening to various musical genres- none of them from the 70`s American era- we moved on to one I recognized immediately.

“Shame” by Evelyn Champagne King.

Since his new high-tech phone responded to voice commands he instructed it to download, “Errerin Champagne King.” Either the phone did not understand or could not hear due to my background laughter.

O-   “Maybe your phone only understands Japanese.”

More knee driving, followed by me hitting the imaginary brake in the back seat, which resulted in the slamming on of brakes to avoid the truck stopped in front of us. He entered her name using the Japanese phonetic system.

By now the police were tracking our progress through town by following the periodic bursts of honking, yelling and brakes screeching which occurred whenever Andretti-san played with the phone.

A-  “Nope. I`ll try it in English – pronounced the way Japanese people would say it.”

He tried it again, ” Eb oh reen oo Chom pan keeng oo.”

“SHAME!

Burning, you keep my whole body yearning
You got me so confused
It’s a shame”

Cha Chiiiinnnnng-Jackpot.

In the meantime, bystanders have reported seeing a person recklessly driving a black car slinging either a passenger or ventriloquist`s dummy to and fro in the back seat. Observers can not confirm if the driver is male or female due to the high rate of speed with which said driver travels. The police have asked Tokyo residents to watch for this unidentified road hazard at the sound of oncoming screeching tires.

Next week Andretti-san will revive the 80`s on our weekly trip to Costco.

Never give the fastest driver in the East an excuse to take his eyes off the road.

A New “First” to Add to The Unusual List

Five years ago, had my station wagon fallen in to a sink hole on my way to Pilates and that deranged Alice revealed our lives full of “firsts” in Japan, I would have asked for one of whatever she had swallowed. What once seemed so unusual has now become very normal. But even now, after 18 months, a new “first” manages to make it to the ever-growing list.

1) For the first time, I am long and sinewy some might even describe me as a tall glass of water. At 5`4″, towering above the crowd, I`m a size XXL. Offspring #2, dwarfs me in height with feet to match. Feet too large for women`s boots, she is forced to sport Men`s snowboarding boots while gracing the slopes.

2) Spouse and I can buy beer out of a vending machine. Somehow it doesn`t explode after making the trip down the shoot.

3) I can now ride a bike while holding an umbrella. Some of you might notice the shadow on the wall indicating the presence of sun. Umbrellas are used in Japan as often to protect from sun as rain. I wish I`d learned this skin saving trick earlier so the Japanese wouldn`t mistake me for the Offspring`s grandmother.

4) I became the first woman to pioneer a new Olympic Snowboarding Event “Olympic Mogul Gymnastics.” In it I performed cartwheels and somersaults while attached to a snowboard down the 1998 Nagano Olympic Mogul course. I was on track for a perfect score until I failed to complete a mid-air 360 degree rotation.

5) The first time I encountered a squat toilet I had no idea how to approach the bench. I am now equally functional on a squat toilet or a Western style.

6) Many of you know the suffering I withstood wearing the kimono for the first time. I`m happy to report the lack of oxygen I endured due to the constriction around my lungs by this instrument of torture did not cause any noticeable brain damage. My broken ribs are healing nicely. (Read Here)

7) I told Spouse for the first time, “Honey, if in the next several days I break out in a fever of unknown origin, lose consciousness, or otherwise become unable to communicate, tell the doctor that today I was bitten by a baby snow monkey.”

8) For the first, and hopefully the last time, I drank a large glass of live fish who all looked back as I lifted the glass to let out one, long high-pitched scream on the way down. (Read Here)

9) Instead of snow days, hurricane days, or tornado weather, the kids now have Typhoon days, Earthquake days, and

the new first:

10) A late school start due to a Solar Eclipse. The Solar Eclipse due to hit Japan on May 21 between 6:00 AM and 9:00 AM will be problematic to the morning commute and potentially dangerous. Apparently it is not just an ugly rumor that staring at the sun, even when it is covered by the moon, can cause eye damage. I guess the school administration thinks parents will do better job than the bus drivers at keeping kids away from windows.

Looks like China, Japan, and the Western half of the US and Canada get the good view on this one. I`ll be looking forward to the pictures. Although I might glance at it once or twice

Uhh- What the Hell is That?

“What the HELL is that?”

I ask that question at least once a day.

Politely.

Yesterday it occurred when Andretti-san and I encountered these:

Andretti-san  – “Eat it.”

Not unless my other choice is being forced to watch the movie “Yentl” over and over for 48 hours straight.

Ouisar-san- “I`ll force the Offspring to eat it. I`ll tell them they ate it when they were babies and loved it.” That works about half the time. The percentage of success is dropping as they get older.

Andretti-san- “Nani-o?”

Ouisar-san- “It`s in the fruit section. I`m betting on a fruit.” It looked vaguely familiar.

Remarkably, once home, I realized that I had seen this fruit before. On a bag.

A mangosteen. According to Wikipedia, this delicious snack is-

“In each fruit, the fragrant edible flesh that surrounds each seed is botanically endocarp, i.e., the inner layer of the ovary.^[2]“

a reproductive organ.

Having eaten other foods with a similar obligation to the propagation of certain species, I became more hesitant to sample. On the other hand, I have continued to love oranges in spite of a Botany Professor`s disclosure that the pulp was hundreds of ovaries. (This explains why many people will only drink pulp-free orange juice)

My Canadian cousins had brought the dried version over from Thailand. Those were tasty. I volunteered myself as the guinea pig. Instructions for opening were included.

Next time I`ll follow the instructions correctly for a neater result.

Very tough outer layer. Squishy inside. Consistency of a peach. Sweet but with the aftertaste of something sweetened artificially. Pit in the middle. Very small. The fruit version of a sunflower. A lot of work for a little taste. Something good to eat while watching tv. Be careful with the knife.

We Clampitts thought a banana was an exotic fruit until moving here.

You?

Cherry Blossom Viewing- A “How To” Guide for the Novice

I`ve been remiss as a blogger covering Japan given my lack of attention to “Hanami”- loosely translated as “viewing of cherry blossoms.” I`ve felt a hesitation to do so given the ubiquitous coverage and adoration piled upon the petaled pink crack however, there are vital cultural aspects which must be highlighted prior to embarking upon a Hanami session solo or with a group of novice friends. Following these instructions will at best garner an invitation to join a tarp and at worst prevent the appearance of a tourist intent on a photo-op.

Warning: The behavior described below is not typical. During this two weeks of the year, New Orleans and Tokyo become sister cities in every aspect, thus placing them firmly in Ouisar-san`s “Top 10 Most Entertaining Cities to Visit.” Instead of fighting over beads thrown from parade floats, people of all nationalities vie for the best position under the trees.

1) It will be crowded. It will be loud. You and the 31 million other people living in Tokyo will all be in the same park at once.

On any given day in Japan, the most populated city in the world is also dead silent. No traffic noise, no honking, just the high-pitched screeching of Ouisar-san yelling at her Offspring to bring the breakfast dishes to the kitchen. I recently complained to my Japanese sensei that I speak decent Japanese, but I can`t understand a word of it- maybe because I can`t hear anyone talking back to me.

Except during Hanami.

Every person in Japan abandons ship, drops all scheduled activity at the first ear drum shattering pop of a cherry blossom, snaps the blinds shut, hangs the “Closed” sign, buys a bottle of sake and a bento and trains, bikes, walks, hops, limbos, pogo sticks or uni cycles toward the cherry blossom viewing spot of their choosing.

Just like a feast fit for a Dr. Seuss banquet, most bring at least one of their clang clangers, robot bing bongers, heli pod pounders, and any other assortment of the loudest instruments banned by their apartment complex. Add to this mix of pitifully played loud instruments the sound of 31 million residents rejoicing in various octaves and pitches a cacophony of different songs simultaneously sung and any visitor can follow the pandemonium to the cherry blossoms without having a map of the exact location.

2) There`s not enough room for 31 million people under the cherry blossoms.

A mentality exists during this time which is very un-Japanese- no more

” You first”

“no you first”

“no really, you first”

“I insist- you first,”

For Hanami only, a rarely seen behavior is observed.

The Japanese prefer not to resort to such tactics and have employed a very effective alternative.

3) Get There Early or Send the New Guy

On April 1st of every year, the most recent class of college graduates all start their new jobs. This particular date was set many generations ago so the new recruits can go to the cherry blossom viewing site of the company`s choosing and hold a spot until everyone else gets off work.

This spot is guarded closely by the junior team. This father thought to use his toddler-aged daughter as a decoy for encroaching upon the site however, one of the top-notch recruits spotted the juvenile ploy immediately.

Others ensure that the spot is safe from intruders by placing heavy items of food in the middle and roping off the perimeter. If necessary, rocks are either thrown or used to beat invaders.

4) Window shopping

Arriving late without  a spot can be solved by scouting for an entertaining crowd in one`s best outfit. A snappy outfit and along with an “I`ll add entertainment value to your tarp” attitude may result in an invitation to join.

4) Cherry Blossom Season Coincides with Allergy Season

For dogs. We all know that washing hands can prevent the spread of germs and allergens.  Although many parks contain water fountains, it`s advisable to carry your dog to prevent the monotonous repetition of washing 4 paws.

5) Please don`t Dump the Kids` Hormone filled milk on the Ground

It`s causing the trees to develop pre-maturely.

"Throw me somethin` mister!"

6) There are Many Places to Enjoy Cherry Blossoms.

These truck drivers have a wonderful spread inside the cab complete with alcohol free sake and Costco sushi. When I passed they were enjoying a post lunch siesta.

Spouse is a multi tasker. Therefore, he goes to Yasukuni Shrine where he can view cherry blossoms and his favorite sumo wrestlers at the same time. I was thrilled to hear he and Andretti-san were picked out of the crowd by sumo scouts as potential recruits based on the way they threw rival onlookers to the ground when storming their way to the front for a closer look.

Baruto and Hakuho

Baruto, Harumafuji, Kisenosato

7) Bag your Garbage!

I`ve heard those big bags are sold at Costco.

Follow these rules and you`ll blend in like a native.

How can a tree that always looks as if it`s dying consistently surprise me when it miraculously sprouts blossoms out of nowhere?

Well- that`s the end. Of the Cherry Blossoms.

Every single town where at least two people reside hosts some sort of annual celebration for which it`s famous- and maybe even there`s a queen of said festival. What causes the folks in your town to shut down the post office for some hootin` and hollarin`?

A Stroll Through The Cemetery During Sakura Season

I am possessed by a morbid fascination with cemeteries. I`ve pin pointed its genesis to the stories told at my Grandfather`s supper table about the flooding of Elba, a small town in south Alabama. He sat on the roof of his boyhood home and watched coffins bob down the flooded street- many of them containing his relatives. I always hoped the story would end with one of his great uncles, the civil war sheriff, hopping out, pistols primed, pissed and ready to fight. The finale couldn`t have been more disappointing:

A mere phone call- “Dan, we`ve got your Daddy and a cousin down here in Opp. They`ll be here when you can come get`em.”

I`ve been pining for an excuse to dig around a Japanese cemetery for months and Sakura Season-(Cherry Blossom) provided appropriate cover.Cherry blossoms burst forth during the first two weeks in April and if no rain or wind blows them off the tree, they cause a botanical frenzy of viewing parties and outings accompanied by bento boxes and sake. Surprisingly, Aoyama Cemetery, the location of these pictures, is a prime spot for viewing.

Sakura season in the cemetery provides quality time for many Japanese couples looking to rekindle the flame. Little does he know she wants it nice and clean before she tosses him inside when no one is looking.

If ghosts exist, they are everywhere but Japan for the people take special care to make sure anyone intent on sticking to their old stomping grounds moves along. At death, a bowl of rice with a pair of chopsticks stuck upright in the middle is set by the deceased`s head. The chopstick`s placement indicates this is a “to go” lunch and is a friendly reminder to the newly deceased that they are in fact, dead. Because of this practice, placing one`s chopsticks upright in a bowl of rice while dining in restaurant in Japan will cause several reactions- none of them positive. On the pro side of the cultural faux pas equation, it will remind any dead patrons in the area to vacate pronto.

Many Japanese keep small Buddhist shrines in the home. At the time of a person`s death, the shrines are covered with paper. This practice keeps the spirits from returning. Aunt Fumiko-san will probably not make it across the threshold to see the shrine however, because two salt tablets will have been placed on either side of the front doors to bar her comings and goings. I`m guessing that`s why there are rampant salt-licking deer running around Tokyo causing this warning of their presence on a construction site.

This man and his daughter were indiscriminately waving incense at both the permanent and non-permanent residents of the site. Maybe welcoming a new resident.

There is a saying in Japan that Japanese are “Born Shinto, Married Christian, and Buried Buddhist.” Most Japanese are buried Buddhist and cremated. Several tombs have drawers for easy access to ashes as multiple generations are interred in the family plot. Critics complain overly easy. In the past, ashes of famous people have been stolen and held for ransom. Unfortunately, this cemetery did not have any obvious drawers. I wasn`t going to ransom anyone (although it`s a nice retirement back up plan) but I would`ve liked to get a picture. Of the occupants. Just kidding. It was too crowded.

Several of the more elaborate plots had basins of water. My guess is these are for purification.The cat provides an instructional pictorial example.

The round symbol is a family crest. I`ve read that some Japanese tombstones are available with bar codes so visitors can download pictures and anecdotes about the person contained within. This truly appeals to the nosy side of me. Story time in the cemetery. With a cappuccino. Spiteful me would write a new life for myself full of shocking exploits and scandalous pictures for anyone who might stop by for a post- mortem visit.

When a person dies in Japan, a Buddhist monk assigns a new name (called a kaimyo) to the deceased which is then printed on the wooden sticks below. (Called sotoba) The cost of this service can be extremely expensive ranging from $5,000- 15,000. The higher the cost, the better more ancient the name. Again, assignment of the new name prevents the deceased from returning should the old name be called. The new name is not likely to slip off one`s tongue as they are similar to, “Honorable Wind,” therefore unlikely a family member will accidentally call them back.

It`s a mixed bag here at the Aoyama Cemetery.

What you can`t see are the lines of cars patiently waiting for me to vacate the middle of the road. Unlike the guy on the left, I wanted the exact center.

The red lettering on the side of the tombstone below is for a family member not yet among the departed. Apparently it`s much less expensive to engrave once and repaint the letters black “later.”A girl tree. I mean, there`s a girl by the tree.

Size always matters, neh?

I am looking forward to this summer`s visit to one of my favorite cemeteries in Texas – complete with pictures on the tombstones. I feel like I`m visiting old friends.

Anybody got a good cemetery story or picture to share?